7 ways to stare at the clouds

1. From your rooftop, from your neighbour’s rooftop, do it from any rooftop.

2. With a child by your side. If you’re not in the habit of keeping company with kids, make this your exception – kids have amazing imaginations not thwarted by age or societal conventions.

3. During work time. Invent a meeting, an emergency or offer to top up the stationery supplies – anything to get outside.

4. On your bed. In the middle of the road (a quiet one). If you’re going to put in the time, make it worthwhile, put in that extra effort to be comfortable.

5. From a graveyard. There’s nothing like a bit of fear, dread or eeriness to get the thoughts running wild.

6. From the middle of a sports playing field on a Saturday morning. See how long you can stay there without being interrupted. When asked to leave cry out in anger that your life’s greatest pursuit has been put in jeopardy.

7. Public is best. The middle of a mall, popular parkland, or from a bus stop all work well. Watch the passers-by wish they could join you.

7 ways to start the day

1. Walk outside and scream. Just scream your little head off.

2. Book in a massage, followed by a manicure, followed by a pedicure, followed by a cut and dye, followed by a shopping expedition, followed by …, oh wait, we’re finished the day now aren’t we?

3. With dessert. Buck tradition, throw expectations out the door and tuck into a triple-choc sundae or a slice of gooey cheesecake.

4. Set your alarm for 4am and put it out of reach on the other side of the bedroom. When it goes off, jump excitedly out of bed and be enthusiastic that you have a long, wonderful day ahead of you.

5. Awake from under your bed. That’s right, sleep underneath the bed so that when you awake in alarm wondering where you are the following morning, you will bump your head on the underside of the bed – it’ll be enough to give you a small swelling to the brain – enough to call in a day off work that is.

6. Order room service. From your partner or another loving family member. Make it pizza.
Naked.

7. Don’t wear any clothes to bed for a change. Even in the middle of winter. Even with the windows and curtains wide open. Don’t get dressed until you’ve been outside to collect the newspaper.

7 ways to photograph your pup ...

1. At the beach. On a breezy day.

2. As a character from a story book. Like as Falkor from the Neverending Story, for example.

3. Despondent.

4. One for the nature lovers. Don't worry if the dog's a boy; he doesn't know, so it can't be cruel.

5. The nose has it.

6. I'm hip, I'm hip, you know it, come on.

7. When in doubt, bring out the props. Anything will suffice. Just discreetly place it somewhere in the frame.

7 ways to peel a banana

1. With your mouth.

2. While standing on your head.

3. Scrounge for a piece of string (dental floss will suffice if you have nothing else), tie one end to the banana, the other to a door knob, then hold onto the banana and slam the door.

4. With your toes.

5. Wait til the skin rots off.

6. Drop it off your roof.

7. Our banana’s appearing alarmingly squashed at this point in time. Get someone else to peel it for you.

7 ways to get more out of your toilet paper

1. Scrunch – don’t fold.

2. Don’t buy home brands.

3. Use the packing it comes in. In this case, it would be preferable to buy the brown paper packaged variety – the plastic casings tend to slip a bit.

4. Install a bidet.

5. Ban visitors from using the toilet. Offer them the backyard. Or let them use the toilet, but offer them a handful of tissues.

6. Wet it. It will expand.

7. Roll it in dirt. You will spend so much time searching for a clean square your business will set in its place – all the easier to go on your way sans a wipe down. Note to self: This method may require more frequent washing machine cycles.

7 ways to nab a free coffee

1. Visit mum and dad. Probably not worth the consequences.

2. Enjoy a night on the town. Pick up, take said pick up home. Enjoy rest of night at home. Send pick up on their way. Wait for said subject to call. When (if) call comes through, organise to meet for coffee. Encourage date to pick up the bill. Yes, this one’s a big effort but it could just come off.

3. Wait for a new shop to open. They often have free coffee on opening day.

4. Help an old lady in the street. She will be so grateful for your helping hand that she will shout you coffee. Remember not to let slip that you were actually the one you whipped that walking stick out from under her in the first place.

5. Frequent shopper cards. Buy 10, get one free.

6. Incessantly hang around supermarket aisles. A beaming young lady with too much make-up and wearing a frilly apron is sure to eventually stroll by to offer you a sample of the latest coffee product to hit the shelves.

7. Go doorknocking. They say natural disasters bring out the best in people. So target an ailing town or city.

7 ways to pop a balloon

1. Throw it onto a road, a train track, off a building, basically anywhere it is likely to get hit by something big on wheels.
2. One word. Fire.
3. On the same line of thought – use a magnifying glass. Hint – and the sun.
4. Tape it to the ground at the bottom of a slippery slide. Sit back and enjoy.
5. Release it on a crowded train. Guaranteed, someone will despise your perceived happiness and promptly deflate the balloon.
6. Give it to the monkeys at a zoo. Will them to sit on it.
7. Put a pin in it.

7 ways to spell conscientious

1. conscientious
2. cnscnts
3. showing great care, attention, and industriousness in carrying out a task or role
4. konshi enshess
5. coscienzioso
6. meticulous
7. can-she-end-this

7 ways to dispose of a newspaper

1. Craft a ransom note. Kidnap your partner, tie them to the bed and then send them a ransom note. Use a ransom note to demand a pay rise from your boss. Tape one to your front door to keep your neighbour guessing on your psychopathic tendencies.

2. Shred it. Use it for packing, doggie bedding, kitty litter trays, bird cages, Easter baskets. Go all pitiful on your fruit and vegetables – line your fruit bowl with the shredding.

3. Play dress-ups. Only limit it to your imagination. You are a bride, a princess, Batman, Superman, Eurotrash, American trash, Big Bird, Bert or Ernie, a pyramid, a tree. Never forget to be a robot – please your partner by doing the dishes, or frighten all the people in your street. Have yourself a laugh and organise to meet with your dressed-up friends – all of whom have travelled to your destination by train.

4. It’s your new public transport best friend. It’s a barrier between your ass and the seat; it’s a fan between your nose and the next passenger’s underarm; it’s the lining on the public toilet seat; it’s an umbrella on the dash to your front door.

5. Paper craft. Make a hat, a kite, a paper plane, office decorations. Amaze your work colleagues with your creativity. Subsequently ask for a rise. Amaze your friends with your environmentally friendly birthday gift wrapping ability. Tell them you do not expect the same in return.

6. Ditch those expensive cleaners. Newspaper makes great glass or mirror cleaner, it draws smells from old boots or musty containers, it works as mulch for the garden, it is an effective fly swat

7. Put it in the bin – go on, kill the turtles why don’t you.